


perfect

by lee_dongmins



Series: the park family [2]
Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Father-Son Relationship, Single Parents, jinjin-centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-08
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-01-30 06:06:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12647643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lee_dongmins/pseuds/lee_dongmins
Summary: it's hard being a single parent; jinwoo and sanha's family is perfect either way.





	1. before the first day

**Author's Note:**

> okay basically i've been even more soft than normal for dad!jinjin recently and thus, a new part in my single dad!jinjin fic was born. i'm actually actively working on another part of this series which involves mj but i wanted to write something which focuses more on the relationship between jinwoo and sanha and then bin and dongmin and minhyuk before mj is around so, please enjoy !!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dongmin. Dongmin, wake up. Dongmin, I'm going to be a dad today."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alrighty pals here's a first chapter of this new fic in my single dad!jinjin series (omg it's a series now that's so whack asjkds)! i'm actually v excited for this fic, bc it provides more background on jinwoo and sanha's relationship as the two of them than the last fic did; especially from jinwoo's perspective. it also opens up a lot of the info about binu + their child minhyuk, and jinwoo's/sanha's relationship with them that i didn't rlly touch on in the last one.

Jinwoo has been on an adoption agency waiting list since he was 25 years old; or rather, Jinwoo has been registered at the adoption agency and carefully awaiting a serious relationship, a boyfriend, a husband,  _someone_ he can adopt a child  _with_. 

Two years, three breakups, and no _really_ serious relationships later, Jinwoo remains on a registry list, box beside his name which would move him to the  _waiting_ list remaining unchecked and empty. 

He supposes it's Dongmin and Bin adopting Minhyuk that reminds him of his name on the list, the unchecked box crossing his mind for the first time in a while, refusing to leave him alone. 

He watches Minhyuk begin to grow, interacts with him throughout the first two months of his life; watches Dongmin and Bin manageably struggle their way through the first few months of parenthood.

Their love for Minhyuk is different than their love for each other, Dongmin had tried explaining one day; tried to make Jinwoo understand the feelings around having a child that was  _yours_. Sure, Minhyuk wasn't theirs biologically, but in every sense of the word son except who his DNA happened to come from, Minhyuk was Dongmin and Bin's son. 

Their words and thoughts and feelings make Jinwoo think about it more, talking with his parents and with his brother and his wife, even with Dongmin and Bin about possibly adopting now, on his own; being a single parent for some little boy or girl out there.

The decision isn't made easily, then, it isn't made without a lot of thought, it isn't made carelessly, and it isn't made so it can one day become something he doubts or something he regrets, even for a second. The decision is calculated, well thought out, planned for, and happily awaited; the calendar held up by magnets on his fridge counting down the days until he goes to fill in the new forms. 

The box is checked on May 30th, not that Jinwoo has it memorized. He sits in the agency's office and fills in new forms, carefully printing as well as he can with shaking hands, unable to drop the smile he has from his face. 

His next few months are filled with interviews and meetings and classes and learning; eagerly working his schedule around each of these things. Now that he's made the decision he doesn't look back; instead absorbing as much as he can, picking up as many classes as possible and doing as much research as he can. 

His kitchen table fills with baby books and his browser history looks the same; he asks Dongmin and Bin, his brother and his wife, even his  _parents_ as many questions as he can about babies and raising a child and being parents and any other thing he can ask them. Jinwoo is pretty sure he talks about babies in his sleep from how much information he reads, stopping in at doctor's offices to pick up pamphlets, awkwardly claiming to be an expecting father when questioned and rushing out quickly before any  _more_ questions can be asked. 

As Minhyuk closes in on seven months old, Jinwoo finally gets some good news; a woman has decided to give her not yet born baby up for adoption. They don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet, not that Jinwoo cares, but the mother's inability to raise it on her own has left Jinwoo the option to adopt the baby when it's finally born. it's also left the option open for two couples interested in adopting the baby, and Jinwoo's heart falls to his stomach when he hears. Adoption agencies preferred couples, preferred the stability, preferred the family environment, really, preferred babies to go to homes that  _weren't_ Jinwoo's. 

His chances are slim, he knows, but slim chances _are_ chances, so Jinwoo agrees to meet with the mother through the agency. 

He meets with her a few times, learning her story and taking the time to get to know _her_ ; not as the woman who could potentially be giving him a son or daughter, but as a person. His kindness towards her is likely what earns him the good word she puts in, going behind his back to let the adoption agency know that if _she_ were to choose between the two couples she's met and Jinwoo to adopt the baby, it'd be Jinwoo who gets them in a heartbeat.

He cries when the agency tells him that he's been selected to adopt the child, puts the date on his fridge on a neon orange sticky note (October 29th), where it remains well into the child's life. (Aka where it remains their whole life, the sticky note never actually managing to leave Jinwoo's fridge at any point, sloppy, excited, 27 year old Jinwoo's handwriting remaining there for years and years without movement.)

He calls his parents right away, informing them through tears that he was going to make them grandparents, too, just like his brother had. His mother cries, his father mumbling out that he's proud of him, even if it isn't a conventional way to have children. Next he calls his brother, excitedly rambling through his tears that their kids would have a cousin, unsure if it'll be a boy or girl yet but knowing they'll love their cousins endlessly nonetheless. Finally, he calls Dongmin and Bin, venturing to their apartment in the evening to celebrate temporarily with them; temporarily meaning they had opened a bottle of wine and Jinwoo had been the only one to have any because even after eight months, Bin and Dongmin are still too scared to drink anything at all if they have Minhyuk around.

They offer to go shopping with him for everything he'd need, helping him to transform the spare bedroom of the small house he has into a nursery.

The nursery is painted, first, walls changing from a pale blue to light grey carefully, Minhyuk napping in Jinwoo's bedroom and the three of them talking in hushed whispers as he does. Jinwoo buys a white, wooden crib and a white, wooden dresser to match. The dresser is made up of eight drawers, varying in sizes and eventually filled with all of the tiny pieces of clothing bought that confuse Jinwoo quite a bit; unsure of how a human can be _so_ small at one point in their lives. The other furniture he buys matches, too; a changing table, some boxed shelves that hang on the walls, a bookshelf, and a small table. He manages to find a comfy, white chair to place next to the table in one corner of the room, a yellow pillow thrown on top. The chair and bookshelf aren't really necessary yet, but Jinwoo buys them anyways, preparing himself for when he'd eventually need them; knowing the boy or girl he's adopting and himself won't have much use for them until they're older.

The shelves he buys are slowly lined with books and stuffed animals, drawers filled and just this side of too much money spent. The yellow bins he buys are placed in the boxed shelves, also eventually filled with toys. Most of the things now placed inside the room are gifts from friends and family, aside from the clothes and a few of the books and toys.

His mother and father gift him a stroller two weeks before the baby is due, Bin and Dongmin somehow manage to buy him a car seat, apparently the same one they themselves have, and give him their old basinet, knowing they don't need it anymore, his brother and his wife buy Jinwoo a lot of smaller things; a few bottles, a bottle warmer, some soothers, multi-coloured washcloths, and various colours of blankets.

With a few days left Jinwoo himself finishes filling the remaining yellow bins placed along the shelves, buying diapers and baby wipes and whatever else it is he's missing. Two days before he finally meets the paediatrician Dongmin had recommended, a man who works at the office with him, Dr. Kang. He's nice enough, mentioning to Jinwoo that it was common for new parents to meet with him before the baby is born, asking him when the baby is due and if it's a boy or girl. 

Jinwoo doesn't know the answer to the last question, choosing to be surprised contrary to what everyone else told him. He was going to love the baby whether they were a boy or a girl, and him knowing before wasn't going to change that, so why bother? Plus, a surprise allowed him less freedom to waste money on clothes  _before_ the baby is born by forcing him to buy things that will work for both boys and girls. 

Jinwoo goes to sleep the night before the baby is due with a lot on his mind; he's nervous, excited, unsure, and still a little shocked. He barely falls asleep from all the thoughts whirring through his brain, wondering whether he'll be a good father, whether the baby will be a boy or girl, if they'll even be born the next day. March 21st comes while Jinwoo is still awake, eyes fluttering close sometime after the clock hits 1:00am, only to be awakened a few hours later with a phone call from his assigned partner from the adoption agency. 

"She went into labour, you should head to the hospital." 

He's out of bed before the sentence is finished, getting dressed and gathering together the bag Dongmin had insisted he pack while still half-awake, mumbling out that he'd be there before hanging up the phone. 

He calls Dongmin, then, despite the fact that it's barely 4:00am. His friend picks up after a few rings, voice hardly coherent as he mumbles out a greeting. 

"Dongmin. Dongmin, wake up. Dongmin, I'm going to be a dad today."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed!! i should mention that while this fic ended up being posted, i am still actively working on another fic in this series which is centred around mj.


	2. the first day and the few that follow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Stop shaking your leg," Dongmin chastises from beside him gently, "You're nearly as bad as I was when Minhyuk was born."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 2 finally !! sorry it took kinda long i struggled with writing this for a little while but alas here we are!!

The day the baby is born, Jinwoo's excitement begins to turn to nerves. Sure, he had taken as many classes as he could through the adoption agency about raising a child, and he had observed Bin and Dongmin and his brother and his wife enough to know some things, and Jinwoo himself even knew he'd be fine; but knowing a real baby, an actual _human_ was now going to be Jinwoo's to protect and care for was scary enough to have him nervously fidgeting in his seat in the waiting room, leg bouncing up and down rapidly as he waits for the news of his child having been born.

"Stop shaking your leg," Dongmin chastises from beside him gently, "You're nearly as bad as  _I_ was when Minhyuk was born."

"Sorry," he mumbles in reply, "I'm just, I'm nervous, Min. I don't know how to take care of a baby. What if, what if I do something wrong?"

Dongmin smiles at Jinwoo as Jinwoo buries his head in his hands, "Look, Binnie and I had no  _clue_ how to parent when Minhyuk was born; and honestly we still don't know exactly how to parent and Minhyuk is over a year old now. It's weird but somehow it just happens, ya know, somehow you just figure it out and you do it and it's the best thing you'll do, Jinwoo hyung, I promise you that."

The younger boy places a hand on Jinwoo's knee, sliding his thumb gently across his leg in comfort, "I'll go grab you a drink or something, yeah? What do you want?" 

"Coffee, please. Thank you Min." 

Dongmin nods, smiling once more, "Of course, I'll be right back." 

Dongmin takes off in the direction of the cafeteria, then, half of Jinwoo is thankful for his friend offering to buy him something; though the half of him that _knows_ Dongmin, that's known him since university, knows that he's probably just going so he can call and check up on Bin and Minhyuk. 

At some point after Dongmin has left, Jinwoo's leg resumes it's bouncing in his chair; hands wrung together tightly and heart racing rapidly in both nervousness and excitement. 

"First time?" A man says from beside him with a smile, taking in Jinwoo's anxiety-ridden appearance.

Jinwoo just nods, nearly laughs at the movie-like feeling of the whole scenario but tightens his lips into a nervous smile.

"It's my third, but it's just as nerve-wracking every time." The man continues, "Do you know what you're having?"

Jinwoo shakes his head, "The, umm, the adoption agency gave me the choice to know and well; I wanted to be surprised, I guess. I, err, I have names picked though; for if it's a boy and for if it's a girl."

The man nods, doesn't really bat an eye when Jinwoo says he's adopting, "My wife and I kept our first one a surprise, but by the time we got to the second one she just wanted to know."

The man lets out a gruff chuckle and Jinwoo laughs along with him lightly, a comfortable silence falling between them. The man leaves just as Dongmin is returning, wishes him luck as he goes, flashing a smile before being pulled back into the room where his wife is apparently waiting for him to return from the cafeteria.

It's a little while later when a nurse comes from down the hall, muttering out Jinwoo's name. He stands quickly, feet tripping over each other and hands shaking just slightly as she delivers the news, "Would you like to come meet your baby boy?" She smiles as she says it, watching as Jinwoo nods carefully before beginning to lead the way back down the hall to the room where Jinwoo can see them; see _him_ , actually.

Jinwoo tears up as he realizes he has a baby now, a _son_. One that he gets to name and raise and instil all of the virtues and knowledge and personality in that his mother and father had instilled in _him_ and that he had learned since growing up and leaving their home.

Dongmin trails behind slightly, mumbles out a "don't cry Jinwoo hyung" as they walk, hand nonetheless finding it's way to Jinwoo's back, rubbing it gently as soon as they stop outside the door. 

The nurse carefully opens it, smiling at the other nurse still present in the room; both of them leaving temporarily once Jinwoo has settled into the chair next to the glass cradle holding a small body, Dongmin's hand on his shoulder.

The baby boy has a light blue blanket swaddled around him tightly, face just barely peeking out from the material and scrunching involuntarily at the bright, white lights of the hospital room, cheeks red and puffing out on either side of his face. Between them, a small nose, no bigger than the end of Jinwoo's thumb and tiny, pink lips, encapsulating no more than an even smaller tongue and bare gums. His forehead leads carefully into the rest of his rounded skull, where small tufts of black hair rest on top. His eyes look curiously at the world around him, just as small as the rest of him and remaining shut for differing amounts of time each time he blinks.

Jinwoo carefully reaches a hand out to rest against the blanket, finger trailing towards his face and gently rubbing along the end of his nose, across his cheeks and over his forehead; almost as if Jinwoo is trying to check that he's _real_ , that he's _there_. He lets out a shaky breath, free hand wiping at the tears which had been present in his eyes since the hallway that have finally decided to fall.

Seeing how small he is shocks Jinwoo just as much as the small pieces of clothing he'd bought, a single hand nearly able to encapsulate the boy's entire body.

"Oh JinJin hyung," Dongmin mumbles then, "Congratulations, hyung, he's so beautiful," Dongmin giggles lightly at his own statement, hands against Jinwoo's shoulders as a way of comforting him as he cries. 

Jinwoo nods in reply to Dongmin's words, furiously swiping at his eyes in an attempt to stop the tears falling down his cheeks. 

The nurse returns, then, nodding her head with a smile when Jinwoo asks if he can pick him up, "He's your son, Mr. Park."

The words send a fresh set of tears trailing down Jinwoo's cheeks, which he quickly swipes at and curses his emotions before standing and slowly, carefully, reaching into the cradle to lift him up. He does so extremely gently, fingers sliding beneath his body and bringing him to rest within Jinwoo's arms, head placed in the crook of his elbow, eyes blinking up at Jinwoo now, instead of the plain white ceiling above them.

"D'you have a name chosen yet, Mr. Park?" The nurse asks then, clipboard clutched between her hands along with a pen.

Dongmin pokes Jinwoo lightly, pulling him from his distracted state of simply admiring the child,  _his_ child. 

He nods quickly, sniffling once before trailing his fingers over the boys' face once more, "Sanha, I want to name him Sanha."

The name means river and mountains, both of which he hopes the boy will successfully cross in his life; both figuratively and literally. The nurse nods her head, muttering out that it's a pretty name before writing it carefully in the space. The boy will get his last name, according to the adoption agency; though Jinwoo wouldn't have minded if they had left the last name of Sanha's biological mother; Park Sanha, Yoon Sanha, it didn't particularly matter to Jinwoo, just so long as Sanha was with him, wrapped in his arms, Jinwoo would be alright.

***

The first few days pass by in a blur of sleepless nights. Jinwoo isn't exactly sure what Sanha's cries mean yet, his body barely able to rest before the boy's tears pull him from his slumber. He doesn't regret adopting Sanha, though, doesn't mind the sleepless nights and slight struggle to adjust; still tears up each time he watches the boy fall asleep in his arms or blink up at him.

He's pretty sure he'll never get used to the rush of warmth which floods his chest when he comes to the realization that Sanha is his son, now, a son which he can care for and protect and love unconditionally; which he already does. In actuality, Jinwoo has loved Sanha unconditionally since before he was born; since he was just an idea and Jinwoo's personal information neatly scrawled in boxes on forms, since a light grey room was painted and shelves stacked with books and legs bounced in the chair of a hospital's waiting room.  

It's late, one night, just a few days since Jinwoo has brought Sanha home. He isn't sure of the time, if he's being honest, simply used to waking up when he feels Sanha shuffling in the bassinet placed next to his bed; no longer needing the sound of his cries to wake him up.

He watches carefully from his spot on the bed as Sanha moves about in his swaddling, hands attempting to poke out from the soft, green blanket he's wrapped in. Sanha's eyes slide open then, blinking lightly in the moonlight shining through the window of the bedroom. Jinwoo stays watching, silently, awaits the inevitable sound of his crying as he asks Jinwoo for something he isn't able to voice; food, changing, maybe just comfort, Jinwoo is willing to do all of it and more.

Sanha may be small, with no ability to speak, but Jinwoo is positive he would walk all the away across South Korea, all the way across the _world_ for the boy if he needed to. He finally understands what it means to be a parent, he supposes, understands what Dongmin had meant when he said that loving a child, _your_ child is different than the love you have for anyone else. He would do anything for Sanha; a boy who can't say a single word but has Jinwoo wrapped around his tiny little fingers, ready to dote on his every command any time of day or night.

Sanha's mouth falls open in a yawn as Jinwoo watches on, eyes carefully trained on the small body wriggling around in front of him. The tears finally come when Sanha seems to very abruptly realize that Jinwoo isn't there, or that something is wrong, (not that Jinwoo knows which it is) slipping down the baby's cheeks and mixing with the soft cries falling from his lips.

He leaps to his feet, scooping Sanha up carefully and resting him against his chest, right over his heart; countless hours of research telling him that babies and small children liked being able to hear heartbeats, apparently soothing for them.

He rubs a hand along Sanha's back, small hushing noises sliding out of Jinwoo's mouth in between mumbled phrases, "I love you. Appa's here. It's okay, Sanha."

When he doesn't stop crying from Jinwoo's comforting, he moves down his imaginary list to the next thing on it; hunger.

He adjusts Sanha in his arms and lifts the bottle from his bedside table that Sanha had had before he went to sleep, trudging out into the kitchen with it and Sanha still in his arms. He walks down the hall, around the corner and into the kitchen, placing the now empty bottle in the sink; reaching into the fridge one handed to pull out the one he had filled before heading to his room earlier for this very occasion. He slides the bottle into the warmer on the counter and twists the knob to set the timer, hushing Sanha a few more times with softly whispered words and kisses pressed to his head while he waits.

When the timer is done, he retrieves the bottle, carefully testing the milk on his wrist as best he can with how he's positioned; deciding that the milk isn't too hot for Sanha to drink.

"Here you go, baby," he mumbles out as he slides the bottle past Sanha's lips, easily quieting his cries and leaving him about as content as a four day old can be. When it's empty he places it in the sink next to the other one, convincing himself that he'll deal with them once Sanha is back to sleep. He changes him quickly, retrieving one of the many soothers lying around his house and placing it in his son's mouth, watching as his eyes begin drifting closed with Jinwoo gently rocking him as he walks back.

When Jinwoo is certain he's asleep, he gently places him back in the bassinet, rocking it back and forth with one hand gently to ensure he stays that way. He sits back again, watching Sanha sleep for a little while; he's peaceful, eyes fluttering just slightly and lips puckered into a small pout as he rests.

Jinwoo's eyes inevitably tear up again as he watches him sleep, the man quickly trying to blink them away as they come. He isn't sure where exactly the sudden rush of emotion he feels every time he watches Sanha comes from. 

It could be his remaining strange inability to comprehend how, exactly, a human can be so small and peaceful and innocent. Doesn't quite understand how someone who can't even lift their own head, let alone speak or communicate with him, can be Jinwoo's entire world plus some. Sanha is perfect, a small bundle of hope and joy and  _life_ that Jinwoo had never realized he needed; though now that he has Sanha, letting him go would be even harder than anything else he'll ever have to deal with as his father. 

Sanha, it seems, is a connection of how precious and exciting and  _lovely_ life can be for Jinwoo; a realization that, though life may suck sometimes (a lot of the time), it's really insignificant in the long run. Sanha will cry and wail, upset over his own hunger or a desire for attention, only to quickly be over it as soon as he's able to get what he needs. He provides Jinwoo some kind of perspective, he supposes, the understanding that life, specifically  _his_ life, is bigger than him, alone; is really more of a collective struggle in which meaning is all anyone wishes to find. 

Jinwoo, with Sanha sleeping soundly next to his bed, his own body curled within the duvet and watching the slight rise and fall of the small boy's chest as he rests, has found his meaning; to make sure Sanha is safe and happy and loved and grows up to find his  _own_ meaning, one which may be the exact same or completely different from Jinwoo's own.

It's a sound realization, he decides, allowing himself to carefully drift off with the thought still lingering in his mind; awaiting only the shuffle of small limbs before he wakes up once again, Sanha's way of telling Jinwoo that he's a dad now, even though he can't say it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed!! check me out on tumblr (@lee-dongminhyuk) to ramble with me about astro or my fics or rlly anything in general. 
> 
> ps run to you chapter 3 will hopefully be posted tomorrow, though it depends on how well the assignment i'm working on now goes. 
> 
> have a great day/night pals!!


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